Joy vs. Happiness

When I was a child, I knew when I grew up I wanted to be a mom and to write a children’s picture book. I loved nurturing those around me and the magical way I felt when I immersed myself in illustrated books. I imagined my life forward to a place in time when I would have my arms full of my own children, reading them bedtime stories and making up our own silly ones as they drifted off to sleep. But most of all, I knew when I grew up that I wanted to be happy. It is not to say I was not happy then – my childhood was very safe, and filled with positive people and events. But I knew even at at an early age prioritizing how I felt would allow the rest of the details of my life to fall into place.

I carried this short list forward and as a young adult wrote it down, scratching it on a sticky note late one night. This tiny list would follow me like a thread connected, even when I was not. Over the years the note was stuffed into a forgotten box with the different moves, both physical and emotional, that took place in my life.

I happened upon this list during a difficult patch – a fork the road of my life, in which I had already picked the one “less traveled”, but somehow I had landed there with improper footwear, no coat, and inclement weather fast approaching. What struck me most about this tiny list many years later was how beautifully simple it was. If I could will myself to step back from whatever problems I felt I was having, and find the mindset my 5 year old self, what precocious lessons would she teach me? Turns out, she was pretty damn smart.

I found one important distinction though that she did not understand. It takes years of practicing being resilient, brave, courageous and vulnerable to figure this all out. Happiness is a beautiful thing. It is sunshine on your face and laughter from your belly. People, events and happenings – like the plot of a book unfolding – create this emotion. However, when I returned to myself during this dark time, I found buried deep down (with a dose of a self-love lesson) was the embers of an incredible emotion called JOY. Joy lives inside you and it is not at all based on people, events or things that happen. It is the fire inside you waiting to be stoked. It is understanding who you are and your purpose on earth. When you find yourself, accept all your are and all you strive to be, joy bursts through. Because joy is a part of your body and soul, when tough times come (and they will!) joy rises up to meet you when you most need it. My joy has been found in abundance. I tend to the glorious fire it creates most often with gratefulness exercises – reminding myself both upon waking and when resting my head on my pillow of the wonderful people in my life. But my joy is also sparked by nature, creativity and being fully present with those I love (including three incredible sons). I feel lucky to have had the time and wisdom to pull this extraordinary emotion out.

As difficult as it can be, I assure you that it is worth the time to unravel a bit (or a lot) to discover the joy that is inside you.